Julian Assange’s Lonely Hearts profile: if only …

Would someone please settle the dispute between myself and poet extraordinaire, Niall Spooner-Harvey, who found this Lonely Heart profile at OK Cupid online, and reckons it belongs to the real Julian Assange. (Niall just wrote to say that he’s having second thoughts.)

Not never, no how, no way. Someone sussed what women want and is test-driving it here.

If, however, as further proof that we have indeed slipped dimensions into some screen-writer’s fever dream and this really is Julian then, hey, I hope one of the lovely laydees who read my blog can make him happy and flip him over from philandering to philosophy with nary a snagged johnny.

He says he seeks “spunk”. Please, possums, no used condoms in the mail. You may think it amusing but it’s most unfair on our posties.

37 / M / Straight / Single
Melbourne, Australia (10515 Miles)

My self-summary
WARNING: Want a regular, down to earth guy? Keep moving. I am not the droid you’re looking for. Save us both while you still can.

Passionate, and often pig headed activist intellectual seeks siren for love affair, children and occasional criminal conspiracy.

Such a woman should spirited and playful, of high intelligence, though not necessarily formally educated, have spunk, class & inner strength and be able to think strategically about the world and the people she cares about.

I like women from countries that have sustained political turmoil. Western culture seems to forge women that are valueless and inane. OK. Not only women!

Although I am pretty intellectually and physically pugnacious I am very protective of women and children.

I am DANGER, ACHTUNG, and ??????????????!

What I’m doing with my life
Directing a consuming, dangerous human rights project which is, as you might expect, male dominated. Variously professionally involved in international journalism/books, documentaries, cryptography, intelligence agencies, civil rights, political activism, white collar crime and the internet. Formal background in neuroscience, mathematics, physics and philosophy.

I’m really good at
A gentleman never tells.

The first things people usually notice about me
Height. Nordic appearance. Unusual presense. Often carrying mystery brown paper packages tied up with strings; these are a few of my first things.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Russian. (D) anything but Russian!

The six things I could never do without
I could adapt to anything except the loss of female company and carbon.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Changing the world through passion, inspiration and trickery. Travel (33 countries). Structure of reality. Birth and death of the universe (physics background) Ontology. Chopping up human brains (neuroscience background)

On a typical Friday night I am
Working, or in wilderness, which I retain an undying love for. Parties with good friends are glue, otherwise entertainment is less entertaining than working!

The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have asian teengirl stalkers. Hello.

I’m looking for
Ages 22-46
Located anywhere
For new friends

You should message me if
You are a spirited, erotic, non-confomist. Non-conformity is not the adoption of some pre-existing alternative subculture. I seek innate perceptiveness and spunk.

Do not write to me if you are timid. I am too busy. Write to me if you are brave.

Madam Miaow says … visit Anna Chen’s website here:


Anna’s food blog here:

1 thought on “Julian Assange’s Lonely Hearts profile: if only …”

  1. At least he's got one.
    Am writing a Blog cause am lonely.

    It's really well put together & has given me some guideline what my Ad; should appear like.

    Made me laugh but reminds me that everybody needs love but me 1st am fed-up of being last.

    Great blog, again… Madam Miaow.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to Top