Mother Nature’s Alien Headfrakk: How Parasitic Wasps Have Babies

Holy ker-rist! Just watched footage of the first stages in the life-cycle of the parasitic wasp on More 4 (waiting for The Great Sperm Race).

A caterpillar is stung by a parasitic wasp and implanted with eggs. Over time the larvae grow inside until they take up a third of its by now obese body. In order to keep the host alive, the larvae only consume the blood and stay away from the organs.

So far, so gruesome. Now for the Alien stage.

The wasp larvae need to get out and, in order to cut through the caterpillar’s tough skin, they’ve grown little saw-like teeth. When it smiles, it does indeed look like what Bette Midler termed, having seen Ridley Scott’s classic sci-fi horror, “a penis on a skateboard”. The caterpillar — let’s call it “John Hurt” writhes in agony but only for a short while, for in an added twist, the larvae secrete paralysing chemicals, although what John’s supposed to do with a third of its body mass exploding out of itself is anyone’s guess.

In the delightful video above, the babies (Aw, they have their mother’s eyes) BURST out. To protect themselves from other parasitic wasps, they start to spin cocoons around themselves.

Now, here’s the headfrakk … John Hurt doesn’t die but comes to. You’d think, consdidering what it’s just been though, it would mash the little fukkas. But, instead, something in the chemicals secreted by the larvae makes it spin a covering, not to protect itself, but to protect the wasp pupae! Gasp!

Not only that but it then hangs around to guard the silken mass from predators … UNTIL IT STARVES TO DEATH!!!

I know people like this.

Hmm. Sperm. The human equivalent of fifteen miles in two seconds, huh?

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10 thoughts on “Mother Nature’s Alien Headfrakk: How Parasitic Wasps Have Babies”

  1. The parasitic wasps immediate endeavour appears to be a quick flight to the nearest cat. It is drawn by the barbs on the penis of the male cat. The wasps go in on droves and the penis becomes enflamed the size of an elongated bannana.

    Another hoard of wasps (Viagara 4) go after female cats especially those sitting on a computer writing a pile of shit about the 2 second barrier. These wasps sting the arse of the computer cats. And give the cat a double wink wink when they leave.

    It is very painful at first and there is lots of screeeeechings going on. After 2 hours, however, the sting becomes a Viagara force field. The cat now enters a period of pure pleasure. It purrs softly but later gets tangled up in absolute gobbley-d-guck. And if the cat could say something it would say , " Oh divine .. divine.'

  2. I knew I'd be walking the censor's tight rope when I included this line.

    Sorry if any offense came your way… I did make it up for you at the end!

  3. Looking back and reflecting on your feelings I wish to offer a more serious apology. Madam Miaow, I greatly admire your writing and sense of purpose. I hope I haven't upset or insulted you in the slightest. In the future I'll pay more attention to your possible feelings.

  4. I'm sorry Madam Miaow but I've tried all day to delete the offending words. I even went to the computer shop with my computer to see if they could manage. The boys at the shop gave me a bit of a ribbing about my name, 'Mister Divine'. They laughed even louder when they found a message on Penny Red with a man joking about the size of my penis. Yes there were quite a few chuckles in the computer shop this morning. All at my expense.

    I'll drive to a computer shop in Albury tomorrow. It's about 100 miles away but I fancy a day out.

  5. Mmmm. I seem to recall the saying, 'nature red in tooth and claw'…

    Splinty, yeah, read about that before re the tom cat and their prickly penis.

    Actually those nature programmes voiced by the benign David Attenborough are far far more icky to watch than your average horror film….

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