Titanic election boat of celebrities fails to sink. Millions disappointed

Millions of BBC license-payers were disappointed as the D-list celebrity-laden BBC election speshul boat, “SOS UK PLC”, failed to sink in the early hours of Friday morning.

“They couldn’t even get that right”, said Ms A Chen from North London. “Pissed as a truckload of second-hand double-colostomy bags and they couldn’t even give the electorate the little bit of pleasure of a very apt metaphor.”

Described by some as “embarrassingly awful“, at first it looked like the revellers were speaking an unknown language but then viewers realised that if they put their TVs onto the “drunk as skunk” setting, they could make out every second word.

Tory and Labour grandees and their minions took up the mantra, “You’re my mate, you are” whenever the Lib-Dems hove into view.

Our most popular starry slebs such as Piers Morgan, Joan Collins, Martin Amis, Bruce Forsyth, Maureen Lipman, Fern Britton and Sir Ben Kingsley added the glamour befitting their enormous stature in the culture, showing the rest of us how to have a good time when civilisation as we know it draws to a close. Joan Collins mooned the TV cameras. Or did I imagine it? She might as well have done for all the respect we were shown.

A frighteningly orange-haired elderly gentleman with Botox Freeze, going by the name of Andrew Neil, demonstrated his popularity with his high-falutin’ chums. Michael Portillo, Ian Hislop, Alistair Campbell and Michael Ashcroft, not short of a bob or two (where’s our £120 million?!!!), had a high ol’ time at our expense, thus demonstrating how they mean to carry on.

The only thing missing was Conrad Black and his missus dressed up as Richelieu and Marie-Antoinette. It all made me nostalgic for tumbrils and Workers Councils. Or at least pitchforks and torches.

Madam Miaow says … visit Anna Chen’s website here:


Anna’s food blog here:

3 thoughts on “Titanic election boat of celebrities fails to sink. Millions disappointed”

  1. I'm glad I watched Channel 4 before turning over to the Beeb for the results – they were not taking themselves too seriously, although Jimmy Carr does make me slightly nauseous at times.

    Up here in Scotchland we saw a gratifying swing towards progressive candidates – a fact that is now bizarrely being used to feed the Nationalist cause, despite Labour being against independence – logic fail methinks.

  2. Yes, this was what I was arguing down here when I saw Corbyn's vote. The electorate WANTS progressive policies they expect from a Labour government. But it's all spun to say whatever our Masters want it to mean.

  3. One of the glaring omissions being made by the media (though hung parliament being the distraction) is that Labour Left MPs were reelected with increased majorities, Corbyn bucked the national trend with a swing FOR Labour. McDonnell also reelected where he was fighting as well deeply unpopular towards NL over the third runway coupled with Tory Ashcroft money…yet he still won. Same with Katy Clark.

    This represents that solid progressive/left-wing ideas and MPs are popular with people. That will be one unpalatable truth that NL will be choking on! And in the present unstable climate we are in and with all this horse trading etc. we will need those Leftie MPs like never before!

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